Wednesday, December 18, 2013

~Short & Sweet~

I'm at a lose for words after my time in India. A month ago I experienced culture shock like never before. I was utterly terrified, that's the only way I know to describe it. But thankfully, the fear was short lived. After settling in with my host family I soon became relaxed. However, I was unaware of the cultural struggles ahead. I would learn to haggle with tuk-tuk drivers, control a classroom of thirty restless children, and train my taste-buds to withstand the heat of curry. I came to India with chaotic and dusty expectations but, I left with so much more.

I prepared (and ate) Thanksgiving dinner with my Indian host family. I crashed one dance party of an Indian wedding. I taught children how to spell simple words and to solve simple addition problems. I became a daughter to the Agrawals and a teacher to the children of SSN school. And even though our studies in India were focused on education, and our project involved becoming the teacher rather than the student, I feel like I was really the one learning all along.

I came to love the hustle and bustle of life in a culture bound by tradition, and I can honestly say that my heart is full after just five short, sweet, weeks in the Pink City. 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

& Now I Know Them.

Sometimes it's hard to write down how I feel because my emotions change so frequently. I know that how I feel right now may be the polar opposite within the hour. From the time my day starts at seven every morning, until I close my eyes around ten at night, I've experienced so many emotions that I wonder if I could ever sleep enough to ride myself of exhaustion. What choice do I have but to get up and do it all over again? Better yet, would I even choose anything else? Naww.

I down a cup of chai and then I'm off to catch a tuk-tuk. If I wasn't already awake I soon will be from the completely unnecessary, ever persistent, honking on the pot-hole ridden roads to school. SSN school is an informal building tucked away down a dirt path just outside Jaipur. The students swarm through the gate, eager to spend the next three hours copying down vocabulary words, which are accompanied by my lovely drawings of course. My airplane probably wouldn't stay in flight for long and my camel could easily be mistaken for a longneck dinosaur with a hunchback. But, nevertheless they are happy to copy anything we place on the board. We have to be extremely careful not to mention C-O-L-O-R, because a frenzy will undoubtedly break out. I'm often screamed at in Hindi for not having the appropriate shade of green or purple their little hearts desire. I feel for them though, growing up with Crayola's macaroni orange and azul blue. We do our very best to satisfy them with what we have though. They're grateful for all the attention we have to offer, and many of them truly are intelligent. Which is exactly what breaks my heart.

I was so fortunate, and often took for granted my education in the States. I had teachers who fluently spoke my language, I had at least one text book for every subject, and all the crayons and colored pencils I would ever need. I was often challenged and encouraged to perform well, even when I neglected to present my very best effort. I was often lazy and mindless toward my assignments. However, I was still able to thrive and prosper in my environment because of the value placed on education from both my parents. I was spoiled really, and extremely lucky. I was always taught that school was a privilege denied to many; formal, structured education that is. But until now I hadn't known personally who those "many" were. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Insert Tangent Here.

Two days of teaching and I've already realized that education is much more of a complex issue than I had originally assumed. Development being my main focus as a TBB student, I have already concluded that education is in fact the driving force of development. However, in addition to this focus I have made it a personal goal of mine to "think beyond the borders" of the western world. The idea of development from the standpoint of an American is so simple. Give poverty stricken countries aid and they will eventually get their shit together. Send volunteers into rural villages to "better the community" and one by one we Americans can change the world. From a recliner back in the States, this issue with development is quite simple.

Think again.

Aid can very easily create dependence, in turn ultimately preventing sustainability. Going into any project or program with the intention of "helping"---because we Westerners obviously know how to do everything right---will be detrimental to one or more parties involved. Growing up in America I had always had the common aspiration of changing the world. You must know that I was by no means naive about the entirety of global issues. I had seen poverty on large scale, I had seen injustice, I had witnessed oppression, and I had felt guilt, sympathy, and depression because of these worldly experiences. Although, I realize now how under qualified I was, and still am, to change the world.

I am a little over two months into a seven month program revolving around development. I have only been immersed in two of the four issues we will be studying. (Correct me if I am wrong, Robin.) Our structure of curriculum is designed with the intention to understand that these four issues -public health, education, sustainable agriculture, and natural resources- all funnel into development. I have already perceived that there are so many small issues that at length do effect the realm of development. It is utterly mind-blowing to attempt at understanding, much less act upon, how I could ever actually come to change the world. Nevertheless, even during all this daunting frustration, I know I am at the very least gaining knowledge. Knowledge I would most certainly not possess had I not taken this gap year with TBB. I am eternally grateful to have been able to seise the opportunity to think about the world beyond the Western borders. 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Contrary To My Speculation, Culture Shock Is Real.

Jaipur was supposedly painted pink by a king to impress his guest of honor some time ago. Quite frankly, I don't recall all the details, I was rather fatigued on the bus ride after traveling for a solid twenty four hours. However, after being here for almost a week, I realize that this "said king" was clearly color blind. The buildings are definitely more a shade of peach, rather than pink. But that is mainly "the old city", where we did quite a bit of cite seeing. Playing tourist has its perks but catching a tuk-tuk with my two roommates has most certainly been my cultural highlight thus far.

"So, when we see an empty one do we just wave like hell??"
Emily's approach seemed to be sufficiently effective because in no time at all we were bouncing along in the backseat of the little three-wheeled contraption. To say the streets of Jaipur are bustling would be an understatement. I've come to a fairly certain conclusion that there is no safe form of transit here, so I suppose the tuk-tuk will have to suffice. It's quite energizing to have your life flash before your eyes a few times a day anyhow.

Shockingly, even to myself, I am already becoming adjusted to Indian life. Most of my fear had been of the mass amounts of curry I was sure to be consuming. However, I have found the food to be extremely appetizing. It's a good thing I don't miss hamburgers all that much though, because there are more of them walking the streets than on the dinner tables. Which in a strange way makes me feel at home.

I find myself torn between anxiety and excitement about starting work here. Come to find out, I will literally be teaching English in a small village school. I guess a high school diploma is credit enough to be an Indian teacher.

All in all I'm finding city life in Jaipur absolutely fabulous...



Stay tuned for more thrilling tales from the wonderful world of TBB. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Correlating 2 Worlds; Complete with exerts by the author.

Plett Rage

             The first meal I devoured in South Africa was a mini tube of Pringles, a four-pack of oreos, and a calcium vitamin water. I’m pretty sure I was subconsciously expecting to find bugs and leaves for sale, because I was rather taken back by how Americanesque the gas station was. My expectations since that first night have also been pretty far from reality. I was prepared to live in a grass hut in view of Pride Rock. Complete with pet giraffes grazing nearby. Plettenberg Bay, I have come to find, is in no way similar to the Liong King. Saturdays are spent on the beach or shopping the boutiques in town. There is excellent dinning and an upbeat nightlife. The locals are all in all, quite welcoming with their distinct accents.

Surf CafĂ© has become our hang out. We socialize on the deck, munching on their delicious nachos and veggie burgers. The staff knows us as “the group of Americans”, occasionally questioning us about our “holiday”. We go on to share about our work projects in the surrounding townships with Plett Aid.

“The townships are pretty hectic, eh?” replied our waiter one afternoon. Well hectic is one way of putting it, I suppose. And when asked about his perspective on racism in the area he replied, “It’s really not that bad anymore.”

The thing is; Plett residents like this fine young man, who have spent most of their lives in the area, literally, don’t have a clue. I’ve heard comments concerning how the locals don’t think the townships are abnormal and I’ve come to the conclusion that to South Africans, townships are just a part of living in the Eastern Cape.

My advice for them: Take a drive up the hill, and it’s a whole other world. And let me know if its really “not that bad”.


Kwanokuthula: A quiet place.

Walking through the front doors of the Kwanokuthula clinic every morning a little after eight, I have a mix of two emotions. One is, shamefully, of white superiority and the other is of sympathy. The people of Kwano line the walls of the entranceway, patiently waiting for the receptionist to pass them on into the larger waiting area. Anya and I bypass these civilians and sit in our corner of the waiting room, anticipating the arrival of our caregivers.

I’ve sat in the same beige plastic chair almost every morning for the past five weeks. I normally have my head buried in my Kindle, but occasionally I witnessed something out of the ordinary. I’ve seen a white nurse lose her temper on the stubborn patients who neglect to swallow their tablets every morning. I’ve seen a curious youngster creep closer and closer to my backpack in search of sweets. I’ve seen children scolded for playing with the wheelchairs. I’ve seen crippled men hobble in on their canes in search of an empty seat. I’ve seen mother after mother take down the babies from their backs, tied with blankets, to wait for the doctor to tell them why their infant has a cough.

In the background the TV music plays softly from across the room, the janitor drags a clanking bag of trash over the tile floor, and the roar of the crowd is a mix of English and clicking Xhosa. Coughing fits break out in between announcements called on the intercom. I’m occasionally interrupted in my writing with a “good morning” or “unjonny”, from a clinic worker.

The people of Kwano chat with one another about matters I do not only understand, but I will probably never have to experience. The warm hearted giggles between neighbors may be because they see each other as complete equals. All dressed in mix-matched hand-me-downs. The feeling of togetherness that can be found in the waiting room of the clinic, as well as in the streets of Kwano, is something spectacularly admirable. These people and their families struggle together, laugh together, live together. I sometimes envy the sense of belonging that comes along with this lifestyle. Kwano seems a simple place compared to the hustle of living in the States, but below the surface, to say life is simple for these people would not do them justice.



(The following are exerts from my journal.)

It strangely reminds me of a scene from the Walking Dead. People drag themselves up and down the street, stopping occasionally to inquire on what their neighbors are up to. Life is slow and quiet as Poppy and I start our rounds. Freerange roosters crow, and the township begins to wake for one more day of despair, masked by hope of a better tomorrow.

I’ve walked the streets of Kwano in the cool rain and in the beaming hot sun. It has been hot, and has also been cold, but the weather has little to do with the emotional floods I trudge through on a daily basis. I walk the dusty brick sidewalks alongside Poppy, asking the occasional question and attempting to make small talk. Her life is ultimately a mystery to me still, other than the bits and pieces of information she offers up on occasion. I’ve gathered from our time together that she would much rather talk about others, opposed to herself. She often tells me tragic stories of our patients and how hard their lives have been, translating their Xhosa complaints to English for me.

Cars pass by on “the wrong side” of the road, and I often look both ways several times before trailing behind Poppy. The main street through Kwano is busy with small manual engines, gearing up and down in-between the frequent speed bumps. Taxi vans hook obnoxiously when they pass someone they know, and Poppy often hollers after vehicles with their windows down, upon recognizing the driver. Along with the bustle of the main street, people walk to and fro greeting each other along the way. I can only assume the difference between those who are off to the workplace and those who spend their days working at home. Children make their way to school when our taxi drops us off in the morning, and by the afternoon they are playing in the Primary School yard. Many children, however, roam the side streets and alleyways, unable or unwilling to attend school. The boy with his trash bag kite and the boy who spent his cents to give me a piece of grape candy from the corner shop.


The floors are covered in shreds of linoleum and plastic, the walls are chipping of bright paint, and the front door is always open. A woman lies covered in fleece blankets still at midday because she has no legs. A man struggles to sit up because his right arm cannot function correctly, due to a stroke. Another lady sits bewildered as I take her blood pressure, because she suffers from epilepsy. Two children gulp down crushed TB meds doused in water from little plastic teacups. I feel bed behind my mask, because I hope the old man isn’t too offended that I do not want his TB germs.

At times I’ve been uncomfortable and anxious, but I’ve also been extremely comfortable on many a couch in many a shack in Kwano. I was touched by the drunk woman who aggressively demanded I giver her my clothes. I was touched by the man who insisted I come live with him, because he had no wife. I was touched by the woman who told me she was an example of living with AIDS.  I was touched by the lady who told me, “You make me strong.”, after praying for her medical issues. My heart is truly overwhelmed by all I have had the privilege of experiencing in Kwanokuthula.



Sitting on this silk comforter beside a man whom I do not know, in a room filled with a patient’s family, I am grateful. Nurse Cindy carefully describes that this eighty-one year old man is overcome with cancer of many types. His sister explains that he has refused treatment. And I wonder what it takes for Nurse Cindy and Poppy to remind themselves why they do this job every day.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Cape Town in Snapshots.

Our arrival consisted of driving around aimlessly for two hours searching for our backpackers. Which we finally found around 1am on one of the sketchiest streets I have ever seen. After we made it safely past the hobos, we nestled in for a little nap.

"I'll say on behalf of your mother, do not get a tattoo!" Silvia, one of the sweetest people I have ever met, talked me out of getting a tattoo after I told her my mother had previously instructed me to plan on moving out if I came home in April with any ink. Silvia had spent the past half hour braiding and wrapping my hair, while also telling me all about her life and her faith. She is from the Congo and speaks beautiful french and "a little bit" of English. She spends her days styling hair out of her little market booth to give her two sons some spending money, while they study in Cape Town. She continued on and on about how she felt so blessed to be where she was in life and that all that she has is by the grace of God.
"I will pray for you and your friends, I believe it is the young people who are sent to do God's work."

"Do you know how to eat?" The Ethiopian waitress asked us, as we looked pretty stunned at the platter of meat and sauces on our table with no utensils in site. She proceeded to show us how to tear apart the sour bread and literally dig in. It turned out to be quite the delicious experience. 

"This is an adventure guys!" This was my attempt at making the six of us feel better about having just boarded a train for $1.80 to spend the next two hours bumping along the tracks toward Simons Town. Shortly after my cheerful comment, the security guard came to check our tickets. "You are sitting in first class, you need to move down cars." We gathered ourselves for the sprint at the next brief stop, down to the third class car. We had been pretty much by ourselves in first class, but we soon found ourselves packed in a train car like sardines with all of the locals. There was a blind man playing guitar and another man in the middle of what seemed to me some old school Baptist preaching. After we had insured our bags were tightly protected under our arms, we broke out in a fit of giggles. This, was definitely an adventure.

"Is the internet workin'?" I asked a blonde headed British girl sitting at the desktop computer at our backpackers. 
"What??" she asked. 
I repeated, "Is the internet workin'? The lady at the front desk said it wasn't workin'.." 
"I don't understand." As she looked up at me like I was an idiot. 
"Oh, okay. Like the internet, it's not workin'?"
"I'm not sure.." (Her Skype was pulled up, so she clearly knew.)
"That's okay, thanks!"
I turned around and went downstairs fairly confused with what had just happened. I told Ellen and Charlotte, and Ellen replies: "Maybe she didn't understand your accent. It's pretty thick."
Well this thought had not occurred to me, but was clearly the issue. That poor British girl was probably upstairs thinking "who was the hick who doesn't know how to finish her words..." LOL.

We wrapped up our weekend with a trip to Robben Island to tour the prison where political prisoners were held during the apartheid era. What an extraordinary story that I think is important for everyone to hear from one of the tour guides who was also held there. It was on the rocky shore of Robben Island Sunday morning that it finally hit me, how thankful I am for TBB, and just how seriously awesome my life is.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Cloudy, Uncertain, and Jumbled Thoughts.

Talk about mental exhaustion, which became physical exhaustion, which in turn developed into a cold. But I've had two days home from the villages, although not without being filled in on what all I missed- most of which was unfortunate. But, I'm taking a step back for the weekend, to try and see the bigger picture, and to ultimately pray for God to give me His eyes. I want to see these people and this place for who and what they are; hold the sugar coat please. And I'll be damned if that ain't what I'm getting. I'm trying not to become consumed in a schedule. I'm taking a step back to take it all in. I've forgotten that not everything is as it seems. I think I was planning on being inspired on the daily, but I'm finding I'm more troubled than inspired. Although frustration has a funny way of molting into inspiration. Maybe I'm being too literal. I need to think outside the box, or maybe just beyond the borders. 

Friday, September 20, 2013

"I want to tell you my story.."

Lindy became infected with HIV by her husband who wasn't honest with her about having a sexually transmitted disease. Her son is eleven now and her husband is dead. She lives with her son and boyfriend in Kwanokuthula, in the house that once belonged to her mother. She and her boyfriend share the curse of HIV, but have found love and comfort in one-another. She is unable to work because of high blood pressure and feet that are prone to swelling. She lost the house-cleaning job she once had because of the seemingly incurable rash that covers her arms. She is struggling to put food on her table and to provide for her son.

Lindy is on medication and is doing unbelievably well. However, this has not always been the case. The Plett Aid nurse I am shadowing, Poppy, said, "She was so sick." She grabbed my arm, "To touch her was to touch a bone. She couldn't talk, eat, or walk." Poppy visits Lindy several times a week to check and see how she is doing and Poppy is most proud to say that she has had a part in Lindy's recovery, even though the battle with AIDS is never-ending. 

When Poppy told me the next patient we would see was HIV positive I immediately began to prepare myself for the worst. When we walked through the open doorway to a bright pink kitchen, I was immediately swept into the arms of a bubbly black woman in a yellow floppy hat. I was reluctantly expecting this woman to take us into the bedroom to Poppy's bedridden, miserable HIV patient. But no, we sat down on the couch, this lovely lady asked my name, told me her's was Lindy, and said she wanted to share her story with me. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Breaching Realism.

In the past I have found that even though I am consistent in forming extreme goals and dreams, I am often held back by being realistic. 

I have been everything but realistic over the past six months. Taking a gap year after graduating from Todd Central is unrealistic. Traveling to six countries in seven months at the age of eighteen with no one but sixteen other young adults is unrealistic. Coming up with $36,000 for tuition is unrealistic. Sitting in South Africa at this very moment, is unrealistic. Anything and everything about this adventure is utterly unrealistic. 

Realism is something that most individuals pride themselves in being. I on the other hand, now having had the taste of just how sweet it can be to break the cycle of realism, am choosing to never be realistic again. How could I? After working so hard to be unrealistic, and now being rewarded with an experience so real. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Feelings don't translate to English well.

I've spent the past eighteen years of my life pretty typically. I received an old fashion, public, K-12 education. I strove to be above average in a system of standardized ideals, eventually settling for what was expected of me: pass the class and meet the benchmark. As high school came to a close  I found myself searching for more than what was not just offered but what was again, expected. I had no doubt that I would attend an accredited University, but I felt the desire to do something a little more drastic first. 

I came upon the idea of taking a gap year while on Pinterest late one night in January. I quickly became consumed in the idea, and found myself submitting an application to Thinking Beyond Borders (http://thinkingbeyondborders.org/). This particular program was appealing to me for two reasons. The array of study we would be exposed to was broad, and I would have the excuse to travel. After weeks of praying, answering questions, trying to make myself sound qualified, and hoping for what I had become ultimately obsessed with, I was accepted into the program a few weeks before graduation. 


The months to follow would be, and still are, some of the most stressful I have ever experienced. Analyzing my feelings and actions since May I seem to have been in a whirlwind of emotion that is just now dying down. I am now a completely different person than I was the day of my high school graduation. This summer I have been carefree, and ultimately more reckless than anything. However, regret is no where on my mind. I have simply concluded that I am on the search for myself, and I am a tough one to find. I'm looking in six different countries for the next seven months, for crying out loud.