My mother had two fears when I left home in September. The first being that I would never actually go to college. The second was that I would stop going to church. Both were legitimate concerns I suppose, given the combination of my wandering soul and opinionated personality. However, I am pleased to assure her, and you, that is not, and certainly will not be, the case. I haven't been to church since the Sunday before I left, but I have never felt so in touch with my faith in Christ than during the past four months. Which has recently led me to question how I really feel about my relationship with "church".
A few weeks ago our group was taking a stroll to dinner and my friend, who does not identify as Christian, began to inquire about my faith. In short, I shared with them the callings I have experienced regarding not only to take a gap year, but also the career I feel led towards as well. The conversation continued on to what I suppose you could consider my testimony. I expressed not only my personal experience with Christianity and why I love it but also the things, quite frankly, I hate about it. Over the past few years I have been a regular not only at Sunday morning service, but Wednesday night as well. I've been on several mission trips and attended countless youth retreats and conferences. I have adequate experience with what is considered church. I've realized, nonetheless, that the expectations we Christians try to live up to and the rules we strive to live by, are far from parallel with the personal relationship I have with Christ. I'm a take me or leave kind of gal with all my flaws and issues, but see, I know that Jesus is the type to take me just the way I am. I consider Jesus and I pretty close friends and if you could ask Him I think He'd say the same. I'm confident in this statement because we talk a few times a day and I can trust Him with my life. Which is more than I can say for most of my friends. Our relationship has gotten me pretty far if I do say so myself. There are few things I am certain of, but knowing He loves me unconditionally is one of them. He loves me every time I curse, He loves my pierced nose, He loves me when I have a Coors Light in my hand, He loves my loud mouth, He loves every piece of me. Just like He loves you, and you, and you, and you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of playing church. I've realized that my relationship with Christ isn't about how many Sundays I am sitting in a pew or how I present myself in front of the church ladies. It's about the conversations we have on a daily basis and the influence He has on the steps I take every day.
Now, after I spilled all of these feelings to my friend, they had one last question. "Where would you take me to feel the fire of Christ, then?" And without a second thought I replied, "Well, I certainly wouldn't take you to church on Sunday."
Did that hit you like it hit me? The single most thought of thing that comes to mind when you think Christianity, is church. And I wouldn't take someone who was looking to feel the Spirit there with me. What does that say about me? That I get up on Sunday and get dolled up to go sit in a pew for an hour? I can't recall the last time Sunday I got up with the hope of experiencing the presence of Jesus. What does that say about my relationship with church? That it's just this thing I do once or twice a week because it's where I'm expected to be? I want church to be something I feel, rather than something I do.
I'm tired of playing church folks, and I have a hunch that I'm not the only one. So I'll leave you with my most recent question: What would my walk with Christ be like if I felt the fire every Sunday?
Oh, and for those still wondering about my mother's first fear, I'll be going to Murray in the fall. No worries.
A few weeks ago our group was taking a stroll to dinner and my friend, who does not identify as Christian, began to inquire about my faith. In short, I shared with them the callings I have experienced regarding not only to take a gap year, but also the career I feel led towards as well. The conversation continued on to what I suppose you could consider my testimony. I expressed not only my personal experience with Christianity and why I love it but also the things, quite frankly, I hate about it. Over the past few years I have been a regular not only at Sunday morning service, but Wednesday night as well. I've been on several mission trips and attended countless youth retreats and conferences. I have adequate experience with what is considered church. I've realized, nonetheless, that the expectations we Christians try to live up to and the rules we strive to live by, are far from parallel with the personal relationship I have with Christ. I'm a take me or leave kind of gal with all my flaws and issues, but see, I know that Jesus is the type to take me just the way I am. I consider Jesus and I pretty close friends and if you could ask Him I think He'd say the same. I'm confident in this statement because we talk a few times a day and I can trust Him with my life. Which is more than I can say for most of my friends. Our relationship has gotten me pretty far if I do say so myself. There are few things I am certain of, but knowing He loves me unconditionally is one of them. He loves me every time I curse, He loves my pierced nose, He loves me when I have a Coors Light in my hand, He loves my loud mouth, He loves every piece of me. Just like He loves you, and you, and you, and you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of playing church. I've realized that my relationship with Christ isn't about how many Sundays I am sitting in a pew or how I present myself in front of the church ladies. It's about the conversations we have on a daily basis and the influence He has on the steps I take every day.
Now, after I spilled all of these feelings to my friend, they had one last question. "Where would you take me to feel the fire of Christ, then?" And without a second thought I replied, "Well, I certainly wouldn't take you to church on Sunday."
Did that hit you like it hit me? The single most thought of thing that comes to mind when you think Christianity, is church. And I wouldn't take someone who was looking to feel the Spirit there with me. What does that say about me? That I get up on Sunday and get dolled up to go sit in a pew for an hour? I can't recall the last time Sunday I got up with the hope of experiencing the presence of Jesus. What does that say about my relationship with church? That it's just this thing I do once or twice a week because it's where I'm expected to be? I want church to be something I feel, rather than something I do.
I'm tired of playing church folks, and I have a hunch that I'm not the only one. So I'll leave you with my most recent question: What would my walk with Christ be like if I felt the fire every Sunday?
Oh, and for those still wondering about my mother's first fear, I'll be going to Murray in the fall. No worries.
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